Happy, Confident, Independent

Many of you in the “Auggie Fan Club” helped encourage us along Wednesday when we had one of those days that our inner strength was on empty. Luckily the next day was a new one, and we filled back up. Your kind words and two perfectly timed cards did the trick.

Wednesday I was too tired to read anything – but in the past I have looked to the poem that I’ve included below to get myself back on track. I’ve shared this with close family members struggling to understand why this experience made its way onto our life path.

You can ask the question “Why Me?” (which always makes me think of Nancy Kerrigan) over and over, but there will never be an answer. I don’t think things happen for a reason, especially really bad things. Things just happen, and it’s what you do about them that makes you who you are. I share this poem not because it talks about how God makes his plans, but instead because it reminds me that I have what it takes to do this.

(Caution: this poem is a tear jerker…now you can’t say I didn’t warn you. If you do get through it though – there is a picture of a really cute kid at the end!)

How Preemie Moms Are Chosen
by Erma Bombeck

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

“Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.
Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.
Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint…give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity.”

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. “Give her a preemie.”

The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”

“Exactly,” smiles God. “Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel.”

“But does she have the patience?” asks the angel.

“I don’t want her to have too much patience, or she’ll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair.  Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that’s not going to be easy.”

“But Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”

God smiles. “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just the right amount of selfishness.”

The angel gasps, “Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?”

God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see– ignorance, cruelty, prejudice– and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”

“And what about her patron saint?” asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. “A mirror will suffice.”

Erma Bombeck (personal communication, July 2010)

The only thing the “How Preemie Mom’s are Chosen” has wrong, is that to me, my child is perfect.


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